Lovely Day

The arrival of Valentine's Day at our house found the words of 1 Corinthians 13 being given and received, put on and worn, worked out and through and all around thoroughly enjoyed.

Unbeknownst  Behind my husband's back, i jump-started the holiday by sneaking a candy bouquet into his car, which he was not to discover until he made it from Omaha to Lincoln for work; and would therefore deliver his own gift.  This living in one city and working in another definitely has its challenges when it comes to making sure one's husband's desk at work has something special for holidays and birthdays without trading one's arm in order for a professional delivery person to make the drop.

Sorry, no picture of that.

But i DO have a picture of what my Sweetheart sent to me (via UPS) ....

The lovely day continued, dotted with all the usual-alities of life but with all of the sparkles added there by the acts of love given and received throughout the day.

With children in the house, it takes a different sort of creativity and a completely different approach to celebrating such a lovey holiday .... so we enjoyed dinner together!

It's amazing how adding a bouquet, sprinkled rose petals, a fancy lace tablecloth and fine crystal glasses can make just about any dinner feel special and extra-ordinary.  (plastic placemats for the kids -- not sure Grandma's tablecloth can take much scrubbing --  and plastic glasses for the kids, too -- those 'ol Waterford crystal glasses are heavy!)

Then, to really spice up the night, the four of us went to....

to buy....

to bathe in layers of prayer and warm, PotteryBarn-like colors the walls of this place:

as we do our part to see a move be made to:

The night's grand finale was my Sweetie & i eating M&M's and watching:

So, all in all, it was truly a Lovely Day.  And throughout its moments, rays and sparkles and daily duties all intermixed like the primary colors of a painter's palate to produce a new color of remembering the Great Love God has gifted to our family and the many, many blessings that are inside that gift.

Thank You, God, for BEING love.
For GIVING love. 

For a lovely day.

I love YOU!

She's In Love

The Life-Love Game continues; and like the part i played at our Candy Land game last night, I am watching my little girl skip on ahead in pure joy, ecstatic love and solid confidence!

Since the revelation to her that Jesus loves her more than Momma or Daddy do (which is aLOT), the little girl at our house has beamed at me over her lunch plate, "Jesus loves me more than you or Daddy do?"  Her little mouth has turned up in the hugest smile at the dinner table, "Jesus loves me more than you do!"

The love blooming in her face, the confidence resonating in her voice bring so much more abounding joy and soothing peace to me than any of her familial love declarations! And to hear the "Jesus songs" she's begun to "compose" fills my maternal love bank even more than the day she took her first step.

I'm so glad to see her ...

so in love.

The Life-Love Game

Now that my babies are tucked into their beds for naptime, the sounds of a quiet afternoon and the smells of a steaming hot chocolate swirl deliciously together into some sort of Motherhood Home Spa treatment (the kind you can wear a ponytail AND a lunch-stained shirt to).

There remains, out of its swirly vapors, the ahhhhh feeling of a life-altering lesson those very same babies have taught me since they first arrived on the scene:

LOVE.

At first the love was like eggnog at Christmastime --- i couldn't get enough, and i felt almost desperate to soak up every possible moment of their little lives before they morphed into teenagers.

Yet ... I was almost afraid to love them too much -- to place in their pudgy, gripping hands too much of my love, of my very soul.  A bad case of the "what-if's" had set up camp my soul and threatened to push out the love already camped there.

What if something happens to them?  What will happen to them in the future? What if something happens to me and i'm not there to help them grow up?  What if i love them more than i love God or more than serving Him?

I did spend a great deal of time in the first year of both child's lives simply loving and delighting in them.  Everything about their sweet little bodies and their emerging personalities, developments, milestones.  I also began to see my hormones aligning into a more normal arrangement and sleep patterns drifting back to their usual, wonderful, unbroken schedule.

And God gently soothed and massaged, worked on and finally revealed the final product better than any Spa treatment ever could.

Love is not about me.  Or how I feel.  Or what I want.

Love is about the other person.  And entrusting them and the whole Life-Love Game to God.  He IS love, after all.

So.  Even in the very most recent of days, God and the children He's entrusted to me have taught me several things about LOVE.

1. Love Freely

- Without fear 
There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. I John 4:18

- Without holding too tightly. 
Love ... Doesn't force itself on others, I Corinthians 13:5

My second child has helped me to understand this one and apply it!  He's a Cling-On.  He clings to me.  Most times, if I leave the room - even when he's absorbed in something - his radar picks up my movement and follows me, usually with huge tears in his eyes.  He has a mindset, which is under remodel, that if he and i are downstairs together and i am coming up regardless of the laundry piled in my arms, i should carry him.  We had a day last week of working through that, and finally i had to tell him,  

"Momma can't always help you.  You can do this.  You have to do some things on your own.  But Jesus will help you."  From a mother's heart that does take delight in being able to help her children, that was a step for me to love freely and point him in the direction of the love & care of Jesus, which is even better than mine.  Speaking of....

2. Love Jesus More

Today the kids and i took a short walk on the snow-studded sidewalk down our street.  My heart found great love in the sun-streaked, wintry moment: the delight of my toddler son discovering snowballs and the pure joy of my daughter's every snow-crunching step. BUT my heart found greater love in walking through that moment hand-in-hand with Jesus, rejoicing in the daily revelations of His delights and joys.

I do love the children God has placed in our home very much.  But as I've been able to slowly release them a little more and curl just a finger or two around their sticky ones, more of my fingers are now free to wrap around God's hand, too.  We are all holding hands in this Life-Love Game, but it's as a cord of three strands.  One day they will release even that final finger of mine and grasp onto His totally.

3. Jesus Loves Us More

It's not uncommon for my first child to tell me or Daddy 10 times a day that she loves us, even within minutes of the previous declaration.  But today she said something that one-upped her love expressions for us: "I love Jesus very very very very very much!"

I then took a deep breath and moved my earthly maternal love to the side so as not to block the view of her heart's vision, and told her that Jesus loves her very very very much too --- even  more than Momma & Daddy love her. 


Too Much
I love these children God has placed in our home.  But i love them too much to hold them too tightly to myself and, thereby, too far from the love of God, from learning to trust and know HIM.

You Win
So because I love them, I am asking You, God, to help me to daily point them to You and to Your love for them.  You are the winner in this Life-Love Game, and i want them to play on Your side always.

Thank You for sharing them with me for a time.  I am having lots of fun.  But I love You more and trust You because You already know them better than I ever could.

A Nimrod Kind of Year

Very recently, the words of a great sermon struck my ears, one of the points being that the majority of those who choose to follow Jesus will not be called to a life of full-time ministry, but to a life of working in their profession while simultaneously serving and loving people day-by-day, minute-by-minute.

My current profession races minute-by-minute on the still-pudgy toddler heels of a truck-loving little boy and the prancing "look-at-me-Momma" feet of a preschool girl.

There are days that slip in and sometimes get stuck on the Peanut Buttery Days of raising young children (the days that are packed with the protein of life but that if come at you all at once, leave your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth, preventing you from uttering anything coherent!).  

In such a state of incoherency, it's easy to get stuck into a wrong line of thinking that my profession doesn't really impact the Kingdom of God, doesn't really make a mark on eternity.

But then the peanut butter is wiped away, and i remember that my profession has the enormous potential to make a phenomenal impact for eternity, and that i had better stick to THAT and make the most of every short, fleeting day that i have with these children God has placed in our home!

So, with last Sunday's sermon in mind and today's Bible reading in hand (www.lincolncitychurchwomen.blogspot.com), i received my challenge for this new year.  Well, it's good for every year, but it seems to be especially vibrant right now.

From Genesis 10:8   ... Nimrod... was a great hunter before God.  There was a saying, 'Like Nimrod, a great hunter before God.'

I don't know how the saying, "What a nimrod" came to be so derogatory because obviously the original Nimrod was incredibly talented; but if i can be called by my children and husband this year as a wife like Nimrod, then count me in.

Not that i want to be a great hunter --- although there ARE days when perhaps some of his tactics might come in handy with MY troops!

But the fact that challenged me today was that he was proven and great in his profession AND that he did it before God.

Nimrod wasn't known as a great minister or preacher or prophet, but he was known --- KNOWN, as in, thru the ages and worthy enough to be mentioned in the Bible -- known as a great hunter before God.

Which leads me to believe he was in communion, in fellowship with God.  All the time.  Spear in hand, bow in hand, dead bear or lion in hand.

He was great at what he did for his profession -- and i have to believe it was because he did it before God.  With God.

Lord, that's what i want this year.  I want to be known by my husband and children as a great mom/wife before God.  But i can't do it without You.  So I'm asking for Your help this year and every year to come.

Make me a Nimrod of Moms, of Wives.

For Your glory and so that this family might make an impact for eternity.  Let me not waste the time or skills or energy You stand ready to pour into my life, nor waste the lives You've put in my temporary charge.

Thank You for a New Year!  It's Yours!  Be glorified!

A Holy Night

Driving home from the airport this morning at 6:00 am amidst the lack of sun and traffic, of kids and chatter, gave me time to listen to the words of a lovely Christmas song streaming from the radio.

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining. It is the night of our dear Savior's birth....

In the past month, I've been listening to Christmas songs as much as i listen to my children chatter - so that's alot! And there are alot of songs out there that have nothing to do with Jesus' birth.

They're not bad. In fact, many of them stir up heart-warming memories that i can't even begin to put into words.

But some of them also stir up the frenzy that the holidays can whip into without warning.

And so, when i reached this 23rd Day of December with only 2 days left 'til Christmas -- really, only 1 day to complete my to-do list -- i realized clearly the frenzied edge my soul was teetering on.

But as the words to that sweet salutation to Jesus' birth streamed out of my car speakers, it began to dawn in my heart of hearts the wonderfulness of the season.

Gratitude and appreciation for Jesus arriving on earth as He did that holy night...

The celebration of the miraculous birth of a sweet baby...

They're all miraculous events and all sweet bundles, but JUST the WONDERFULNESS of HIS birth, of His choosing me/us/you/my family/my community.....

Then i came across this verse in today's reading from our ladies blog at church:

Nahum 1:15
Look! Striding across the mountains --
a messenger bringing the latest good news: peace!
A holiday, Judah! Celebrate!
Worship and recommit to God!
No more worries about this enemy.
This one is history. Close the books.

I found this prophet's message to those people so many years ago was, in fact, speaking to me this Christmas.

At the first Christmas, the sky filled with messengers proclaiming "Peace!"
It's a holiday, [Heather], time to Celebrate!
Throw off the cookie-crusted oven mitts! Toss the glittering wrapping paper and tape!

Lift those bared hands in worship! Wrap your life and heart and soul beautifully in recommitment to God and His way of loving and living and serving and trusting! The stress and selfishness and soul-craziness are history. Close the books.

And may i celebrate the birth of Jesus with as much -- with more -- tenderness and gratefulness and appreciation and love and selflessness as i do that of my children, realizing the impact of a baby born so long ago on a world He loved more than a pristine - even, clean - place to be born, a world He loved more than His life, a world He loves and calls me to love.

It was and will be a Holy Night.

Happy Birthday, Jesus. I love you.

Thankful

So much to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day ...

He [Jesus] used His servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin,
free to live the right way.

His wounds became your healing.

You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going.
Now you're named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls.
1 Peter 2:24,25

Thank You, Jesus!

He Knows What He's Doing

Lately, the book of the Bible that has been on my daily list to read with ladies from church (http://lincolncitychurchwomen.blogspot.com) has been Jeremiah.

Not an overly cheery book, seeing as the pages are filled with dire warnings or with ghastly word pictures of the various ways the rebellious people will die if they don't change --- all set against the backdrop of EXILE.

Exile doesn't sound like a nice place to be; it's no vacation, not a foreign exchange student plan, nor a diplomatic visit.

Yet, while reading this book, i found myself marveling in the awesomeness of the fact that it is in this very place that God is.


I'm not in exile.

And I don't know anyone personally who is.

But I also know that neither am i in a place that is completely the plan God has for me or my family.

We're not home. We're sorta in limbo (that's the place where our family hovers between Two Cities: Lincoln and Omaha).

Then i came across a very well-known verse in Jeremiah, one that is quoted alot and claimed by many.

In the midst of the peoples' exile, God says:

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out -- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for (29:11 of course!)

Sometimes i catch myself thinking and feeling and even praying in a way that sounds like i don't think God knows what He's doing! Surely, i know what to do to make this exile, this situation change, right?!

Hardly. I'm SO grateful that GOD knows what HE'S doing.

And that i can call on Him, pray to Him, search for Him .. and He'll be there.

When you call on Me, when you come and pray to Me, I'll listen. When you come looking for Me, you'll find Me.

Yes, when you get serious about finding Me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. God's decree. (Jeremiah 29:12-14)


That's the challenge set before me:
- Get serious about finding God (not a buyer for our house, not a new house to move into)
- Want God more than anything else (not moving to Lincoln)

Because when i go looking for God, HE is what i'll find. I'm not going looking for God, hoping to find Him sitting in our new house, having coffee with a buyer for our current house.

He said He will listen. He will be there.

And where He is, there is freedom, peace, love, joy.

Grateful for Seasons

Seasons.

I love them.

And for all the reasons i sometimes think it would be cool to live in some other state than Nebraska, it's times like today, like this month and the ones on its heel that I am grateful to live here.

And so grateful to God for making seasons.

Sometimes it seems that the hot, sticky, suffocating temperatures of summer make a glaring reflection on the human lives and emotions that are sweltering under its full sun. Emotions burst the mercury on the thermostat of tolerance when presented with a particularly trying situation (misunderstandings, impatience, nit-picking, kids irritating each other) ... Tempers come up short when facing a challenging circumstance (mower breaks in 100+ temps, car's air conditioner unit breaks down in jammed evening traffic).

Summer just seems to have some of the qualifications for a pressure cooker. Hot, steamy and times of barometric pressure (at least for some. lying on a beach or poolside with no responsibilities is another wonderful story).

But Fall.

Ah, fall. Cool air that has been blown through the puffy clouds rather than a whirring air conditioner unit gently kiss your cheeks, blow your hair into a new carefree style.

Beautiful leaves wave from their precarious places in the sap-filled trees, delighting the eyes and stimulating the brain with their new splash of color.

The cool outside makes the inside feel all that much cozier.

Kids play comfortably together, sharing warmth and toys in the frosty mornings.

Lunchtime is devoured by appetites that have chased crunchy leaves for hours.

The dinner table steams with hearty dishes and heart-filled companionship of family safely home for the night.

Seasons seem to make me appreciate either what i have been blessed with (see previous) or with what i don't have at the moment (hot temps sound so good while shoveling mounds of snow).

That's why i found my heart brimming with gratefulness to God for creating and giving to us these different seasons.

Appreciation of what is in my life now.

Refreshing from what was in my life before now.

Anticipation for what is to come in my life after now.


Seasons in life.

May i learn something from each one.
And find something to enjoy in each one.

Thank You, God, for Your Season(ing)s!

God's Free Target Bags

If the Target chain of stores had existed in the times of the Israelites' trek to the Promised Land, perhaps they could have claimed what i did after my trek up and down the aisles (and a trek it does seem, sometimes.).

I had returned from my weekly trip to SuperTarget, only to find i had forgotten to scribble "trash bags" on my list.

That, or i was feeding a stubborn streak of seeing how many Target bags i could salvage to use for "free" trash bags. (however, pull up the calculator on your phone, divide the total bill by the number of bags, and they're really not all that free).

But that night i was able to put ALL 10 BAGS into my barren trash bag container (an empty milk jug with the top cut off)! And the verse popped into my head about how God kept the Israelites' shoes and clothes from wearing out as they tromped around the wilderness for 40 years.

"... You sustained them ... they lacked nothing; their clothes did not wear out... their Target shopping bags did not tear...."

Sounds silly, perhaps.

But God knew what i needed.

And if He cares enough to make sure the birds have food every day and that the flowers are lookin' good, then i'm pretty sure He cares about my trash bag situation. And kitchen trash bags, at that. Small.

Now i have TWO trash bag containers, bursting at the seams, plus more Target bags tucked away to refill my current stock.

Wow, when there's a need, God really supplies over and above. Even "free" Target bags.

Speaking Hawaiian

A great work of fiction centered around Hawaii recently flew before my eyes at every available naptime of my children, leaving several impressions with me.

One: My husband and I should really vacation in Hawaii sometime. Soon. Without the kids.

Two: Love and forgiveness are absolutely essential in a marriage. Even more so than squeezing the toothpaste from the correct end and leaving the toilet seat down.

Three: I need to speak more Hawaiian. Fortunately for me, since i don't speak ANY, even speaking ONE word will accomplish that goal.

Aloha.

That's my new word.

In the old, original language, Aloha meant "God in us." That, along with its other meanings, including those intimating love, sweeps along to the particular meaning that caught my attention.

"I recognize the divine in you." I see God in you.

And, since Aloha is as flexible as the palm trees bending in the tropical breezes, it can be used in greeting or farewell... or just about anytime.

In the morning, when my kids wake up, I'll greet them with an Aloha (I'd greet my husband that way in the morning, but lately he's been up at a time that i don't recognize as part of the day.)

When my children are fussing or throwing a fit ... "Aloha! And let me show you to your room. It's a bit far from the beach, but i'm sure you'll find it accommodating."

On the rare mornings when i AM up to wave Husband off to work... Aloha. When he comes home... Aloha! (sorry, no exclamation point in the AM)


God is so awesome -- today's Bible reading for our City Church Women's blog is Psalm 31 & 32. And sure enough, it tied into my Hawaiian thoughts.

"God's my island hideaway, keeps danger from the shore, throws garlands of hosannas around my neck" (32:7).

So while i might not be on the sandy shores of the islands, i CAN rest in God. He'll provide the leis, and I'll say Aloha! to people and situations -- including myself in the mirror -- knowing that God IS in us.


Aloha!

God Still Knows Where the Apple Is

If God twittered, the Scripture He'd send to my phone would be Matthew 18:5:

"Whoever receives one little child like this in My Name receives Me."

Sitting on my living room floor one morning a coupla months ago (wow, this has taken forever!), in the midst of my two jammied kids (as Tessa likes to say)...



... and surrounded by toys strewn around the room just about as haphazardly as my hair was hanging around my face thanks to Daniel's rough attempts at showing his love for me... a tiredness attempted to creep into my thinking...

"Why am I doing this?"
"WHAT am I doing?"
"Am I accomplishing ANYthing besides making sure everyone's pants are clean and dry? And there's something resembling food on the table?"

Then Matthew 18:5 twittered into my head, and it was really like a salve that began to spread over my heart and into my thinking, bringing peace to my spirit. It reestablished my purpose as a Mom-at-Home!

Yes, I could respond graciously to my baby's cries for attention and my preschooler's chattering attempts at drawing me into role-playing conversation ... WITH a happy heart because it was like I was responding to Jesus!

I could carry out the daily tasks needed for these two little ones because as I did, it was as though I was serving Jesus directly!

I love love love being at home and serving my family.
I actually like to do laundry and make my kids giggle.
And bake sweet things.



But there are days when Mr. Winter shuts us in the house for the whole week.
Or the laundry falls two stinky socks short of fulfilling.
Or the only thing I'd like to bake is myself in the sun. Alone on a beach.

That's why I'm SO thankful for God's Word and for His Holy Spirit teaching me things like that verse in Matthew.

I love receiving Jesus in my house!


And having Jesus in my house also brings an extra set of eyes.

My wonderful Mrs. Pastor posted something one day along the lines of the fact that God is the only One Who is with my children 24-7. I can't be with them every second, but He knows everything about them and cares about every detail.

Including the missing fruit.

The one that Daniel could have found, put in his mouth like everything else, and choked on, I said to God one night as my husband and I were preparing to play Hi-Ho-Cherry-O with Tessa.



He knew about the disappearance of the first apple. And He knew where our plastic one was, too.

With my hand on the gate to let fearful thoughts pour into my mind about what would happen if Daniel had gotten into Tessa's game and eaten the plastic fruit, God told me,

"He didn't eat the fruit."

Sure enough, the fruit was found the very next day. And not in Daniel's diaper.


Thank You, Jesus, for being receivable.
For bridging the gap between me and God so that I can receive Him, too.

Thank You for being in my house,
For these little ones,
And for keeping an eye on the fruit.

Terrific Tuesdays

Tuesdays this month have been pretty unforgettable. Today, it's sub-sub-sub freezing cold. Even penguins would be donning sweaters. Last Tuesday, Snow saw an opening in the sky over Nebraska and began to blanket everything in sight.





But the Tuesday before that -- the very first day of December -- pushed the mercury all the way up to the 60's.





So i took the opportunity to do something i'm not good at, something that i don't crave tackling but desperately needed to be done before they were lost .... the task of "planting" iris bulbs my mom had just given me from her yard to grace my backyard. (using the word "planted" loosely. and the word "grace" even looser. spring will tell.)





And God prompted me to do a second thing i'm not good at, neither do i crave, but needed to be done before she was lost: Talk. To my 3-year old. I love my daughter, but if given the choice to talk or just bask in the quiet (and in this case, the 60-degree December day), i'd have just kept my mouth closed.





So my daughter and i were digging and chopping away at the dirt --- chopping, because it was dirt that had been haphazardly thrown under the overhang of our house in clumps and had also been frozen and thawed at least once.





Chopping, because i couldn't find my trowel and was using my daughter's pink plastic gardening tool from Target.





We were about halfway done, enjoying the warm sun without our coats on, when it dawned on me that this could be a teaching moment for my little girl who's becoming more and more enlightened about heaven and sin and Jesus and what He can do in our lives.





But we really hadn't been talking much. We were off in our own worlds. And i was getting tired from all the chopping -- i mean, digging gently -- and thought, "I just don't want to talk."





Then God said, "You're going to have to start."





Yikes. Okay.





So as my daughter returned with another bulb (aka, giant root) for me to plant, we were faced with this view:

At the risk of her 3-year old mind thinking our hearts are filled with dirt, i started the conversation by talking about how hard the dirt was and how our hearts can become hard, too. And how Jesus can take all the hardness away and make our hearts soft.

Then we just began to talk to Jesus, and for once, her parroting skills came into good use as she began to copy what i was saying ...

"Jesus, please make my heart soft ... Please take all the hard spots out.... Help me to obey and have a soft heart ... And listen to You ...."

And her favorite phrase, uttered in that sweet little lisping voice ....

"I love you, Jesus." .... "Thank-You, Jesus...."

She's been sending more prayers His way lately.

Last Monday: "God, could you please send more snow?" hmmmm....

Yesterday in the bathroom: "God, could you please help Hippo not to be scared of going potty and poopy?" (in deep voice, she responded: "Okay. Let's go to the living room." Then told me she was going to the living room with Jesus.)

Perhaps i should have her talk with God about those iris bulbs we "planted" .......

Thankful Buckets of Water

Yikes! Was it really July when I posted last? Where have the days gone?



Perhaps mashed between the sweet potato-encrusted fingers of my 8-month old.
Or bookmarking the pages of my 3-year old daughter's favorite book.
In wonderful conversations with my husband.
And in times of picking up my Bible instead of my laptop.



All good places to leave one's days since they are non-returnable.



I look back over the days of the past year at all that God has done ... provided my husband with a good job. Moved us to a new city and our first house. Got us ALL through the uncomfortable last months of pregnancy and arrival of Baby. And through the first 8 months of his life. Through potty training of Big Sister.



I love how God cares about every detail.



And now, here it is -- 5 days until Thanksgiving.



So much to thank God for.

1. His Son.
2. His love for me, a sinner.
3. Salvation.
4. Hearing God speak.
5. Recognizing His voice.
6. Health.
7. Provision.
8. Family.
9. And their unconditional love.
10.The chuckling laughter of a little baby delighted with your face.
11. The shrieks of joyful greetings by a preschooler when Daddy's home.
12. My shrieks of joyful greetings when Daddy's home.
13. A warm house to live in.
14. Food to put on the table.
15. The 4 faces around that table.
16. Ice cream after that food's been eaten and two of the faces have gone to bed.



There's much more to be thankful for, and I'm sure more will become very glaringly apparent once my preschooler and I spend time making "Thanksgiving Cookies" next week. Does anyone make non-messy flour? No? Okay, I'll settle for a bucket of water...



Isaiah 12:3 says, "Joyfully you'll pull up buckets of water from the wells of salvation. And as you do it, you'll say, "Give thanks to God."

Loosening My Grip

Last weekend my wonderful husband bought me a new devotional book ... it appeals to my soul because of its slender design and beautiful leather cover with peaceful sketches of grass, and it appeals to my spirit because of the rich food and satisfying drink of God's Word it holds between the pages.



Better than any food served at a pity party.





So today is day 2 of reading it, and already i've gotten hit over the head. What hurts the most is the fact that it's Scripture that i've heard and heard, but just hadn't quite made the connection all the way from my brain to my heart to my spirit.



If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength. Proverbs 24:10



"My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10





The devotional raised the point that God isn't testing my strength in these situations and circumstances; He's not trying to see how strong i've become since the last one.



He wants to see if i will let go of them ... of my weakness, of the areas i struggle in...


God already knows my strength level --- He can feel my grip tightening!!!





Even my little 5-month old baby has a strong grip! When he gets a toy of choice -- or a chunk of my hair --- in his hand and wraps his chubby little fingers around it, it is hard work to PRY his fingers off!




Maybe because he worked so hard to get it!?

Or because he spent 9 months (10, really, but who's counting) in the womb with his fingers curled up, and those muscles haven't relaxed.





Father God, relax my grip!





What relief i felt today after reading Paul's account in Corinthians that i don't have to try to be stronger in each situation or trial that comes my way, but i need to let go and let God.



Which is actually a test of strength, after all.... even though it seems like an act of weakness - letting go and letting someone else.

But it's the secure, strong ones who can relax those gripping muscles.





Muscles are a funny thing.



My husband just found out at his new chiropractor that the reason his hip gets sore is not because the muscles surrounding it are weak, but because they are too tight.



Dustin wasn't able to stand upright and walk normally because his lower back muscles were too tight. They need to be stretched and exercised so that they become loose and usable.



Hmmmm.



I wasn't able function normally (aka, God's way) during the last "situation" i faced because my do-it-myself muscle was too tight. I hadn't been loosening my grip and "letting Jesus take over."



No wonder i snapped at my husband or my kids. Tight, under-exercised muscles do that.



Strong, healthy muscles are flexible and pliable.





Lord Jesus, use the weaknesses and situations in my life to let Your strength shine through. Mold and move and use me in Your power, not mine.

Love Wins Out

God certainly made some of His creation very open to emotions.

But i've never thought of myself as emotional.

Until 8 years ago -- and it's gotten worse every year.

Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth and parenting have slowly been chipping away at the smooth, composed outer shell of my life. Now, suddenly, all kinds of emotions come pouring out at just the drop of a sweet little Hallmark hat.

Emotions of all kinds.

But i sorta got hit in the head last night with the realization that these emotions stem from one thing that sometimes is confused as an emotion, but is really much more than that...

Love.

Not that i'm using my calendar as an excuse, but there are certain days when i'm more emotional than usual. And it's not usually a happy emotion. (unless someone stands a safe distance away and tosses a bag of M&M's my way)

Last night, i let this certain emotion rear its ugly head, and one thing led to another .... Hurtful words, horrible attitude, ....

And because i was too busy hanging on to my self-imposed hurts while simultaneously throwing a pity-party-for-one, i dropped my armor.

My helmet of salvation rolled right off.
My sword of the Spirit clattered to the floor.
My breastplate of righteousness became just as effective as swiss cheese.
My belt of truth loosened up and slipped to my ankles.

No one ever attends a pity party wearing items like those. And so i stood alone at my pity party. Exposed.

And then a delivery came. I opened it. NEVER accept a delivery that hasn't already been signed for in red by Jesus Christ.

Thoughts and emotions began to swirl around in my mind and in my heart. I tried to push them away, but on my own i was completely powerless to keep them at bay for long.

I was too tired from throwing the pity party that i couldn't even pick up my armor.

So there in the quiet of my living room, as i nursed my hungry little baby boy, i cried out to God (in my heart. i might be more emotional, but i don't raise my voice. yet. i'm sure God is working on that one.).

I repented. And i whispered, "Protect me, God."

Before another second could pass, I felt His LOVE surround me. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was His LOVE because He whispered back to me that it was. And it was TANGIBLE.

Tears began to roll. The pity party streamers fell.

God spoke to me right then and there that His love always wins out. That His love turns things around. His love silences the enemy.

And with the strength of His love coursing through me, i was able to pick up my armor once again.

That was the end of it.

No more accusing thoughts --- my helmet of salvation was fitted snugly on my mind.
No more hurtful feelings --- my breastplate of righteousness was strapped across my heart.
No more lies of the enemy --- my belt of truth was holding everything together.

Even the calendar had to be quiet.

I know that all parents -- moms and dads alike -- give up parts of themselves, parts of their desires, perhaps even dreams -- at least for a time --- for the sake of their children. I know mine did.

And i thank you, Mom and Dad.

God showed me last night was that it's so much easier to give things to my husband and children, to serve them, to care for their needs, to give them my time and energy and creativity that might otherwise have been channelled into something else ... it's so much easier, in fact, it's a joy .... when i do it in Capitol-L Love.

God's love.

He has it FOR me. He models it by loving me no matter my shortcomings.

And then He pours it out IN me. It strengthens and protects me. It flows out of me to bless others.

His love helps me to see that what i am doing right now in my life IS important. IS creative. IS a work, a production to be proud of. IS important.

More than anything. Because it's eternal. And God-ordained.

And i love them.

And i love Him. Who first loved me. So much that He gave up part of HIMSELF.


(Sounds like i need to listen to Sunday's sermon again. Perhaps i could have it preached to me first-hand. In person.)

Psalm 8 - "A David Psalm" becomes "A Sutter Psalm"

God, brilliant Lord,
Yours is our household Name.

Daniel gurgles choruses about You;
Tessa shouts the songs - in SuperTarget's parking lot -
That drown out enemy talk,
And silence atheist babble.

After finally tucking the kids into bed, i step outside on the deck...
I look up at Your macro-skies, dark and enormous - larger than any issue in my day -
Your handmade sky-jewelry - more beautiful than those trendy earrings in the store -
Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
Why do You bother with us - i've failed You so many times today -
Why take a second look our way? - thank You for Your grace and mercy -

Yet we've so narrowly missed being gods - i feel sorta wide right now -
Bright with Eden's dawn light - dawn comes so early when a child wakes you up every hour -
You put us in charge of Your handcrafted world,
Repeated to us Your Genesis-charge - thanks for holding back the rain so i could fertilize the yard -
Made us lords of sheep and cattle - we'll practice on our 2 kitties we hope to get soon
Even animals out in the wild,
Birds flying and fish swimming,
Whales singing in the ocean deeps - we can sing while playing in our whale kiddie pool -

God, brilliant Lord,
Your Name echoes around the world - let It echo in our home, too!

Throughout this whirlwind we call life, thoughts fly by me, sometimes bumping into my brain as if to say, “Hey, blog this!” And then the whirlwind picks up again and away the thoughts blow. If my brain had been getting more sleep, it might have been able to keep up with the thoughts and catch them. Today, it had a lot of iced tea to accommodate said lack, so …

5 Reminders to Self

1. Looking at my bed still unmade at 2:00 in the afternoon, should not illicit a sigh of frustration or feelings of lack of accomplishment of yet one more thing that I didn’t get done this morning.. . but rather, it should illicit a sigh of happiness and contentment that I was blessed to be able to spend one more morning of care and play with my children. I’ll have plenty of time to make my bed, to fluff the pillows and straighten the comforter when the kids are grown and no longer want me to play cars with them or need me to help them use the potty.

“… children are God’s best gift … how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children!” Psalm 127:3-5

Which brings me to #2. (no pun intended)

2. Potty training might bring untimely interruptions to life (why is it ALWAYS when my lunch is inches away from my mouth that my daughter needs help to use the bathroom) … but potty training – and learning other life skills – is a must. Any waves of exhaustion during these training days are ridden out on a board of thankfulness to my own mother for taking time from her agenda when I was little to help me learn life skills, to take me through obedience drills, to build character… Thanks, Mom!


(Thanks, Mom, for all the great birthday cakes! Remember this one - 3rd birthday! Thanks, Aunt Donna for celebrating with us!)
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
(I wonder if “go” in the Greek includes the “go” of potty training. I’ll take it.)


3. Potty training apparently also brings a change of character in the life of the trainee. This morning while my trainee was intently absorbed in an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I quietly slipped out of the room in hopes of having just ONE minute of private bathroom time. Some sort of invisible alarm went off inside the trainee – who usually has to be pried away from the TV with a proverbial crowbar – and within seconds she appeared at my bathroom door and came over to “help” me use the bathroom by holding my hand and telling me “Good Job. Can I see it? Is it yellow?” Which, of course, are all techniques I’ve used to help HER use the bathroom. So I had to be polite and thank her (and then send her on some made-up errand in the house).

“… your right hand has held me up.” Psalm 18:35

4. Having a baby around the house who is just 3 months old means that not too long ago, my husband and I were in the midst of Baby Name Negotiations. I was reminded again today while observing my 3-year old daughter that choosing a child’s name is very critical, serious business. Tessa’s name means “Servant,” and servant she is. Sometimes at naptime, she is allowed to take her cup of water to bed and place it in her bookshelved headboard. Today’s chosen cup is a polar bear that Meme & Papa bought her last summer at the zoo. It’s very cute but also very prone to spills, as is what happened today. However, this little servant-in-training insisted upon cleaning it up herself. What a blessing.

“A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches…” Proverbs 22:1

5. There are doors on a closet for a reason. Sometimes it’s good to close them (same reason to skip making the bed). Today, mine got left open and bared quite an organized mess. Piles of clothes on the floor and empty hangers on the rack. Makes perfect sense in a world where Maternity Clothes are too comfortable but no longer appropriate and Regular Clothes used to be comfortable and are appropriate but only fit the hangers now. This weekend all Maternity Clothes were banished – some returned to their rightful owner, others given away to a new owner – and the Regular Clothes begin their journey from the floor back to the hangers. Hopefully they’ll stretch as much as I have.

“To appoint unto them … the garment of praise…” Isaiah 61:3

So it's been a loooong time since i've blogged - it's not like i haven't thought about it or started writing something, but because of this blessing....

... i have been running low on brain power, -- well, low on all energy that goes towards anything other than feeding my kids, feeding myself, getting my kids to sleep, getting myself to sleep, changing their diapers, ....

But thanks to this blessing....

... i have a spark of energy -- and am not bothered by the fact that my toddler isn't napping but is instead tearing up her room! At least i get to eat these delicious candies in peace and quiet!!! (notice the low ratio of chocolate eggs to jelly beans - thank you, Cadbury!)

As if i could have forgotten what valuable lessons this season of life that i've reentered -- "Hello New Baby, Good-bye Sleep" can teach, now it's packed with a double whammy thanks to the whirlwind seasonal occurances of my toddler, aka, "Miss Independent."

God has taught me several lessons during the course of the last several days, but as my brain seems to have disappeared along with my waistline and as the fact that these chocolate eggs are wearing off fast, i'll just recount one "episode" during which i had a meeting with God.

The other morning, the kids and i finished our shopping at SuperTarget and headed out to the car --- Daniel sleeping blissfully in his carseat in the seat of the cart and Tessa (Miss Independent) sitting in the little kiddie seats in the front of the cart. As soon as we got to our car, which was parked next to a empty cart return, Tessa took off to walk through the cart return, to crawl under it, to run away from me to walk and crawl through the cart return on the other side of our parking space.

She responded to my calls to return to me just about as well as a husband responding to his wife's suggestion to stop and ask for directions --- a laugh and a continuation on the same dangerous course. Glancing from my 3-week old infant boy to my 3-year old defiant girl to the mom in the minivan next to me who had her sweet, obedient kids already tucked into their government-approved carseats, i decided i had to momentarily leave the cart and go after Miss Independent.

It only took a matter of seconds before i had her back safely beside our car, but those seconds ticked by in beats of fear, alternating with anger and disappointment that she would do something so dangerous and so disobedient! I thought we had already covered this topic of running away!

What God must think when i do something He's already showed me is dangerous and against His perfect will for me!

Needless to say, once we got home, the discipline came. For her. And, yes, for me, it always does when i speak to my kids -- i hear God saying the same thing to me!

But really, my moment with God that day came when hours later at the dinner table, Tessa and i were finishing our dinner alone, as Dustin was at church and Daniel asleep. I had finished my meal (Pastor Susan's yummy lasagna, which i had frozen pieces of for such a time as this) and Tessa had refused hers. Did i mention she has an independent streak?

The disappointments and struggles of the day broke away as i pulled up on my laptop a YouTube video of "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord," and Tessa began to sing the words along with me. We even made up our own actions, lifting our hands to praise Jesus ...

The presence of God was there at that table in the hearts of two of His daughters who aren't perfect but who are made perfect in Him.

I might not be running and crawling through the cart returns at SuperTarget, but there are times i try to run and do things on my own -- instead of running to Him.

Yet He is so faithful to show up and to shower down His love.

Simply amazing how a dining room table can be the setting of more than just a nourishing meal. If your toddler won't eat anyway, might as well serve them something that will sustain them better than anything SuperTarget has to offer!

As part of the www.lincolncitychurchwomen.blogspot.com read-through-the-Bible-this-year plan, today i read Malachi and was impressed upon by some principles relating to marriage that God spoke to His prophet Malachi for His people - and for me today!

From the Message Bible, scattered throughout Malachi 2:13-16 ---

-- "His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage."
This morning while doing my mad dash version of making the bed, i stumbled upon one of my sweet husband's size 10 1/2, thick-soled dress shoes. God has been teaching me throughout the 7 years we've been married that how i respond to something, what attitude i decide to take up or throw down EVEN in the privacy of my own space and thoughts, has the power to either sweeten or sour my relationship with my husband. So instead of taking up a sour attidue and moping along with my tingling toe, i decided to pick up the shoes and put them in the closet. God reminded me that when my husband wearily dropped those shoes from his feet to a place beside the bed, he was worn out - perhaps more than in body - from the overtime put in for his company, from the commitments fulfilled in helping others, from the care given to me, our toddler and unborn baby. And i should be ever so grateful to have a husband so dedicated and loving as he is. And i am.

-- "And what does He want from marriage? Children of God, that's what."
The first thing that popped into my mind was natural children - perhaps because there's one growing in my abdomen right now, pressing on my bladder and therefore my mind - children who are raised to serve God. But then through the pregnancy clouds that seem to derail my coherent train of thought, came the realization that a husband and wife should be a source of growth and encouragement to each other THROUGH their marriage relationship to become strong, mature children of God.

And finally...

-- "So guard the spirit of marriage within you."
The concept of guarding something sounds like "work" to me, which can sometimes be so quickly tossed aside once the marriage train passes the honeymoon, star-struck stage and slows down into Reality City Depot. I love my husband dearly but i know that our marriage isn't based on feeling love; this was a good reminder to me to keep working on building our marriage every day - not being perfect, but working to protect it! The spirit of marriage seems to me to be something that is breathed into a marriage and its partners by the very Spirit of God. And i need to guard that like i guard everything else God-breathed in my life.

I was tagged by www.walkingonhighhills.blogspot.com

Attached or Single? Attached. for 7 yrs. now!

Best Friend? Jesus and Dustin (my attachee)

Cake or Pie? Pie

Essential Item? right now - ice chips and a snackfood

Flavour of Ice Cream? anything chocolate

Indulgences? quiet time alone to read

January or July? January (ask me again in January)

Kids? Yes - a 2 1/2 yr old and one on the way

Middle Name? Nicole

Oranges or Apples? Apples. as in Pie.

Phobia or Fear? I like Tabitha's answer: Tests

Reason to Smile? a new day!

Season? Autumn

Unknown Fact About Me? don't really know how to swim

Vegeterian or Oppressor of Animals? neither

Worst Habit? i DO squeeze the toothpase from the neck of the tube. actually, sarcastic humor.

Xrays or Ultrasounds? have had both. prefer ultrasounds - have one in 3 weeks!