Love Wins Out

God certainly made some of His creation very open to emotions.

But i've never thought of myself as emotional.

Until 8 years ago -- and it's gotten worse every year.

Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth and parenting have slowly been chipping away at the smooth, composed outer shell of my life. Now, suddenly, all kinds of emotions come pouring out at just the drop of a sweet little Hallmark hat.

Emotions of all kinds.

But i sorta got hit in the head last night with the realization that these emotions stem from one thing that sometimes is confused as an emotion, but is really much more than that...

Love.

Not that i'm using my calendar as an excuse, but there are certain days when i'm more emotional than usual. And it's not usually a happy emotion. (unless someone stands a safe distance away and tosses a bag of M&M's my way)

Last night, i let this certain emotion rear its ugly head, and one thing led to another .... Hurtful words, horrible attitude, ....

And because i was too busy hanging on to my self-imposed hurts while simultaneously throwing a pity-party-for-one, i dropped my armor.

My helmet of salvation rolled right off.
My sword of the Spirit clattered to the floor.
My breastplate of righteousness became just as effective as swiss cheese.
My belt of truth loosened up and slipped to my ankles.

No one ever attends a pity party wearing items like those. And so i stood alone at my pity party. Exposed.

And then a delivery came. I opened it. NEVER accept a delivery that hasn't already been signed for in red by Jesus Christ.

Thoughts and emotions began to swirl around in my mind and in my heart. I tried to push them away, but on my own i was completely powerless to keep them at bay for long.

I was too tired from throwing the pity party that i couldn't even pick up my armor.

So there in the quiet of my living room, as i nursed my hungry little baby boy, i cried out to God (in my heart. i might be more emotional, but i don't raise my voice. yet. i'm sure God is working on that one.).

I repented. And i whispered, "Protect me, God."

Before another second could pass, I felt His LOVE surround me. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was His LOVE because He whispered back to me that it was. And it was TANGIBLE.

Tears began to roll. The pity party streamers fell.

God spoke to me right then and there that His love always wins out. That His love turns things around. His love silences the enemy.

And with the strength of His love coursing through me, i was able to pick up my armor once again.

That was the end of it.

No more accusing thoughts --- my helmet of salvation was fitted snugly on my mind.
No more hurtful feelings --- my breastplate of righteousness was strapped across my heart.
No more lies of the enemy --- my belt of truth was holding everything together.

Even the calendar had to be quiet.

I know that all parents -- moms and dads alike -- give up parts of themselves, parts of their desires, perhaps even dreams -- at least for a time --- for the sake of their children. I know mine did.

And i thank you, Mom and Dad.

God showed me last night was that it's so much easier to give things to my husband and children, to serve them, to care for their needs, to give them my time and energy and creativity that might otherwise have been channelled into something else ... it's so much easier, in fact, it's a joy .... when i do it in Capitol-L Love.

God's love.

He has it FOR me. He models it by loving me no matter my shortcomings.

And then He pours it out IN me. It strengthens and protects me. It flows out of me to bless others.

His love helps me to see that what i am doing right now in my life IS important. IS creative. IS a work, a production to be proud of. IS important.

More than anything. Because it's eternal. And God-ordained.

And i love them.

And i love Him. Who first loved me. So much that He gave up part of HIMSELF.


(Sounds like i need to listen to Sunday's sermon again. Perhaps i could have it preached to me first-hand. In person.)