Loosening My Grip

Last weekend my wonderful husband bought me a new devotional book ... it appeals to my soul because of its slender design and beautiful leather cover with peaceful sketches of grass, and it appeals to my spirit because of the rich food and satisfying drink of God's Word it holds between the pages.



Better than any food served at a pity party.





So today is day 2 of reading it, and already i've gotten hit over the head. What hurts the most is the fact that it's Scripture that i've heard and heard, but just hadn't quite made the connection all the way from my brain to my heart to my spirit.



If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength. Proverbs 24:10



"My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10





The devotional raised the point that God isn't testing my strength in these situations and circumstances; He's not trying to see how strong i've become since the last one.



He wants to see if i will let go of them ... of my weakness, of the areas i struggle in...


God already knows my strength level --- He can feel my grip tightening!!!





Even my little 5-month old baby has a strong grip! When he gets a toy of choice -- or a chunk of my hair --- in his hand and wraps his chubby little fingers around it, it is hard work to PRY his fingers off!




Maybe because he worked so hard to get it!?

Or because he spent 9 months (10, really, but who's counting) in the womb with his fingers curled up, and those muscles haven't relaxed.





Father God, relax my grip!





What relief i felt today after reading Paul's account in Corinthians that i don't have to try to be stronger in each situation or trial that comes my way, but i need to let go and let God.



Which is actually a test of strength, after all.... even though it seems like an act of weakness - letting go and letting someone else.

But it's the secure, strong ones who can relax those gripping muscles.





Muscles are a funny thing.



My husband just found out at his new chiropractor that the reason his hip gets sore is not because the muscles surrounding it are weak, but because they are too tight.



Dustin wasn't able to stand upright and walk normally because his lower back muscles were too tight. They need to be stretched and exercised so that they become loose and usable.



Hmmmm.



I wasn't able function normally (aka, God's way) during the last "situation" i faced because my do-it-myself muscle was too tight. I hadn't been loosening my grip and "letting Jesus take over."



No wonder i snapped at my husband or my kids. Tight, under-exercised muscles do that.



Strong, healthy muscles are flexible and pliable.





Lord Jesus, use the weaknesses and situations in my life to let Your strength shine through. Mold and move and use me in Your power, not mine.

Love Wins Out

God certainly made some of His creation very open to emotions.

But i've never thought of myself as emotional.

Until 8 years ago -- and it's gotten worse every year.

Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth and parenting have slowly been chipping away at the smooth, composed outer shell of my life. Now, suddenly, all kinds of emotions come pouring out at just the drop of a sweet little Hallmark hat.

Emotions of all kinds.

But i sorta got hit in the head last night with the realization that these emotions stem from one thing that sometimes is confused as an emotion, but is really much more than that...

Love.

Not that i'm using my calendar as an excuse, but there are certain days when i'm more emotional than usual. And it's not usually a happy emotion. (unless someone stands a safe distance away and tosses a bag of M&M's my way)

Last night, i let this certain emotion rear its ugly head, and one thing led to another .... Hurtful words, horrible attitude, ....

And because i was too busy hanging on to my self-imposed hurts while simultaneously throwing a pity-party-for-one, i dropped my armor.

My helmet of salvation rolled right off.
My sword of the Spirit clattered to the floor.
My breastplate of righteousness became just as effective as swiss cheese.
My belt of truth loosened up and slipped to my ankles.

No one ever attends a pity party wearing items like those. And so i stood alone at my pity party. Exposed.

And then a delivery came. I opened it. NEVER accept a delivery that hasn't already been signed for in red by Jesus Christ.

Thoughts and emotions began to swirl around in my mind and in my heart. I tried to push them away, but on my own i was completely powerless to keep them at bay for long.

I was too tired from throwing the pity party that i couldn't even pick up my armor.

So there in the quiet of my living room, as i nursed my hungry little baby boy, i cried out to God (in my heart. i might be more emotional, but i don't raise my voice. yet. i'm sure God is working on that one.).

I repented. And i whispered, "Protect me, God."

Before another second could pass, I felt His LOVE surround me. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was His LOVE because He whispered back to me that it was. And it was TANGIBLE.

Tears began to roll. The pity party streamers fell.

God spoke to me right then and there that His love always wins out. That His love turns things around. His love silences the enemy.

And with the strength of His love coursing through me, i was able to pick up my armor once again.

That was the end of it.

No more accusing thoughts --- my helmet of salvation was fitted snugly on my mind.
No more hurtful feelings --- my breastplate of righteousness was strapped across my heart.
No more lies of the enemy --- my belt of truth was holding everything together.

Even the calendar had to be quiet.

I know that all parents -- moms and dads alike -- give up parts of themselves, parts of their desires, perhaps even dreams -- at least for a time --- for the sake of their children. I know mine did.

And i thank you, Mom and Dad.

God showed me last night was that it's so much easier to give things to my husband and children, to serve them, to care for their needs, to give them my time and energy and creativity that might otherwise have been channelled into something else ... it's so much easier, in fact, it's a joy .... when i do it in Capitol-L Love.

God's love.

He has it FOR me. He models it by loving me no matter my shortcomings.

And then He pours it out IN me. It strengthens and protects me. It flows out of me to bless others.

His love helps me to see that what i am doing right now in my life IS important. IS creative. IS a work, a production to be proud of. IS important.

More than anything. Because it's eternal. And God-ordained.

And i love them.

And i love Him. Who first loved me. So much that He gave up part of HIMSELF.


(Sounds like i need to listen to Sunday's sermon again. Perhaps i could have it preached to me first-hand. In person.)

Psalm 8 - "A David Psalm" becomes "A Sutter Psalm"

God, brilliant Lord,
Yours is our household Name.

Daniel gurgles choruses about You;
Tessa shouts the songs - in SuperTarget's parking lot -
That drown out enemy talk,
And silence atheist babble.

After finally tucking the kids into bed, i step outside on the deck...
I look up at Your macro-skies, dark and enormous - larger than any issue in my day -
Your handmade sky-jewelry - more beautiful than those trendy earrings in the store -
Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
Why do You bother with us - i've failed You so many times today -
Why take a second look our way? - thank You for Your grace and mercy -

Yet we've so narrowly missed being gods - i feel sorta wide right now -
Bright with Eden's dawn light - dawn comes so early when a child wakes you up every hour -
You put us in charge of Your handcrafted world,
Repeated to us Your Genesis-charge - thanks for holding back the rain so i could fertilize the yard -
Made us lords of sheep and cattle - we'll practice on our 2 kitties we hope to get soon
Even animals out in the wild,
Birds flying and fish swimming,
Whales singing in the ocean deeps - we can sing while playing in our whale kiddie pool -

God, brilliant Lord,
Your Name echoes around the world - let It echo in our home, too!