Terrific Tuesdays

Tuesdays this month have been pretty unforgettable. Today, it's sub-sub-sub freezing cold. Even penguins would be donning sweaters. Last Tuesday, Snow saw an opening in the sky over Nebraska and began to blanket everything in sight.





But the Tuesday before that -- the very first day of December -- pushed the mercury all the way up to the 60's.





So i took the opportunity to do something i'm not good at, something that i don't crave tackling but desperately needed to be done before they were lost .... the task of "planting" iris bulbs my mom had just given me from her yard to grace my backyard. (using the word "planted" loosely. and the word "grace" even looser. spring will tell.)





And God prompted me to do a second thing i'm not good at, neither do i crave, but needed to be done before she was lost: Talk. To my 3-year old. I love my daughter, but if given the choice to talk or just bask in the quiet (and in this case, the 60-degree December day), i'd have just kept my mouth closed.





So my daughter and i were digging and chopping away at the dirt --- chopping, because it was dirt that had been haphazardly thrown under the overhang of our house in clumps and had also been frozen and thawed at least once.





Chopping, because i couldn't find my trowel and was using my daughter's pink plastic gardening tool from Target.





We were about halfway done, enjoying the warm sun without our coats on, when it dawned on me that this could be a teaching moment for my little girl who's becoming more and more enlightened about heaven and sin and Jesus and what He can do in our lives.





But we really hadn't been talking much. We were off in our own worlds. And i was getting tired from all the chopping -- i mean, digging gently -- and thought, "I just don't want to talk."





Then God said, "You're going to have to start."





Yikes. Okay.





So as my daughter returned with another bulb (aka, giant root) for me to plant, we were faced with this view:

At the risk of her 3-year old mind thinking our hearts are filled with dirt, i started the conversation by talking about how hard the dirt was and how our hearts can become hard, too. And how Jesus can take all the hardness away and make our hearts soft.

Then we just began to talk to Jesus, and for once, her parroting skills came into good use as she began to copy what i was saying ...

"Jesus, please make my heart soft ... Please take all the hard spots out.... Help me to obey and have a soft heart ... And listen to You ...."

And her favorite phrase, uttered in that sweet little lisping voice ....

"I love you, Jesus." .... "Thank-You, Jesus...."

She's been sending more prayers His way lately.

Last Monday: "God, could you please send more snow?" hmmmm....

Yesterday in the bathroom: "God, could you please help Hippo not to be scared of going potty and poopy?" (in deep voice, she responded: "Okay. Let's go to the living room." Then told me she was going to the living room with Jesus.)

Perhaps i should have her talk with God about those iris bulbs we "planted" .......

Thankful Buckets of Water

Yikes! Was it really July when I posted last? Where have the days gone?



Perhaps mashed between the sweet potato-encrusted fingers of my 8-month old.
Or bookmarking the pages of my 3-year old daughter's favorite book.
In wonderful conversations with my husband.
And in times of picking up my Bible instead of my laptop.



All good places to leave one's days since they are non-returnable.



I look back over the days of the past year at all that God has done ... provided my husband with a good job. Moved us to a new city and our first house. Got us ALL through the uncomfortable last months of pregnancy and arrival of Baby. And through the first 8 months of his life. Through potty training of Big Sister.



I love how God cares about every detail.



And now, here it is -- 5 days until Thanksgiving.



So much to thank God for.

1. His Son.
2. His love for me, a sinner.
3. Salvation.
4. Hearing God speak.
5. Recognizing His voice.
6. Health.
7. Provision.
8. Family.
9. And their unconditional love.
10.The chuckling laughter of a little baby delighted with your face.
11. The shrieks of joyful greetings by a preschooler when Daddy's home.
12. My shrieks of joyful greetings when Daddy's home.
13. A warm house to live in.
14. Food to put on the table.
15. The 4 faces around that table.
16. Ice cream after that food's been eaten and two of the faces have gone to bed.



There's much more to be thankful for, and I'm sure more will become very glaringly apparent once my preschooler and I spend time making "Thanksgiving Cookies" next week. Does anyone make non-messy flour? No? Okay, I'll settle for a bucket of water...



Isaiah 12:3 says, "Joyfully you'll pull up buckets of water from the wells of salvation. And as you do it, you'll say, "Give thanks to God."

Loosening My Grip

Last weekend my wonderful husband bought me a new devotional book ... it appeals to my soul because of its slender design and beautiful leather cover with peaceful sketches of grass, and it appeals to my spirit because of the rich food and satisfying drink of God's Word it holds between the pages.



Better than any food served at a pity party.





So today is day 2 of reading it, and already i've gotten hit over the head. What hurts the most is the fact that it's Scripture that i've heard and heard, but just hadn't quite made the connection all the way from my brain to my heart to my spirit.



If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength. Proverbs 24:10



"My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10





The devotional raised the point that God isn't testing my strength in these situations and circumstances; He's not trying to see how strong i've become since the last one.



He wants to see if i will let go of them ... of my weakness, of the areas i struggle in...


God already knows my strength level --- He can feel my grip tightening!!!





Even my little 5-month old baby has a strong grip! When he gets a toy of choice -- or a chunk of my hair --- in his hand and wraps his chubby little fingers around it, it is hard work to PRY his fingers off!




Maybe because he worked so hard to get it!?

Or because he spent 9 months (10, really, but who's counting) in the womb with his fingers curled up, and those muscles haven't relaxed.





Father God, relax my grip!





What relief i felt today after reading Paul's account in Corinthians that i don't have to try to be stronger in each situation or trial that comes my way, but i need to let go and let God.



Which is actually a test of strength, after all.... even though it seems like an act of weakness - letting go and letting someone else.

But it's the secure, strong ones who can relax those gripping muscles.





Muscles are a funny thing.



My husband just found out at his new chiropractor that the reason his hip gets sore is not because the muscles surrounding it are weak, but because they are too tight.



Dustin wasn't able to stand upright and walk normally because his lower back muscles were too tight. They need to be stretched and exercised so that they become loose and usable.



Hmmmm.



I wasn't able function normally (aka, God's way) during the last "situation" i faced because my do-it-myself muscle was too tight. I hadn't been loosening my grip and "letting Jesus take over."



No wonder i snapped at my husband or my kids. Tight, under-exercised muscles do that.



Strong, healthy muscles are flexible and pliable.





Lord Jesus, use the weaknesses and situations in my life to let Your strength shine through. Mold and move and use me in Your power, not mine.

Love Wins Out

God certainly made some of His creation very open to emotions.

But i've never thought of myself as emotional.

Until 8 years ago -- and it's gotten worse every year.

Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth and parenting have slowly been chipping away at the smooth, composed outer shell of my life. Now, suddenly, all kinds of emotions come pouring out at just the drop of a sweet little Hallmark hat.

Emotions of all kinds.

But i sorta got hit in the head last night with the realization that these emotions stem from one thing that sometimes is confused as an emotion, but is really much more than that...

Love.

Not that i'm using my calendar as an excuse, but there are certain days when i'm more emotional than usual. And it's not usually a happy emotion. (unless someone stands a safe distance away and tosses a bag of M&M's my way)

Last night, i let this certain emotion rear its ugly head, and one thing led to another .... Hurtful words, horrible attitude, ....

And because i was too busy hanging on to my self-imposed hurts while simultaneously throwing a pity-party-for-one, i dropped my armor.

My helmet of salvation rolled right off.
My sword of the Spirit clattered to the floor.
My breastplate of righteousness became just as effective as swiss cheese.
My belt of truth loosened up and slipped to my ankles.

No one ever attends a pity party wearing items like those. And so i stood alone at my pity party. Exposed.

And then a delivery came. I opened it. NEVER accept a delivery that hasn't already been signed for in red by Jesus Christ.

Thoughts and emotions began to swirl around in my mind and in my heart. I tried to push them away, but on my own i was completely powerless to keep them at bay for long.

I was too tired from throwing the pity party that i couldn't even pick up my armor.

So there in the quiet of my living room, as i nursed my hungry little baby boy, i cried out to God (in my heart. i might be more emotional, but i don't raise my voice. yet. i'm sure God is working on that one.).

I repented. And i whispered, "Protect me, God."

Before another second could pass, I felt His LOVE surround me. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was His LOVE because He whispered back to me that it was. And it was TANGIBLE.

Tears began to roll. The pity party streamers fell.

God spoke to me right then and there that His love always wins out. That His love turns things around. His love silences the enemy.

And with the strength of His love coursing through me, i was able to pick up my armor once again.

That was the end of it.

No more accusing thoughts --- my helmet of salvation was fitted snugly on my mind.
No more hurtful feelings --- my breastplate of righteousness was strapped across my heart.
No more lies of the enemy --- my belt of truth was holding everything together.

Even the calendar had to be quiet.

I know that all parents -- moms and dads alike -- give up parts of themselves, parts of their desires, perhaps even dreams -- at least for a time --- for the sake of their children. I know mine did.

And i thank you, Mom and Dad.

God showed me last night was that it's so much easier to give things to my husband and children, to serve them, to care for their needs, to give them my time and energy and creativity that might otherwise have been channelled into something else ... it's so much easier, in fact, it's a joy .... when i do it in Capitol-L Love.

God's love.

He has it FOR me. He models it by loving me no matter my shortcomings.

And then He pours it out IN me. It strengthens and protects me. It flows out of me to bless others.

His love helps me to see that what i am doing right now in my life IS important. IS creative. IS a work, a production to be proud of. IS important.

More than anything. Because it's eternal. And God-ordained.

And i love them.

And i love Him. Who first loved me. So much that He gave up part of HIMSELF.


(Sounds like i need to listen to Sunday's sermon again. Perhaps i could have it preached to me first-hand. In person.)

Psalm 8 - "A David Psalm" becomes "A Sutter Psalm"

God, brilliant Lord,
Yours is our household Name.

Daniel gurgles choruses about You;
Tessa shouts the songs - in SuperTarget's parking lot -
That drown out enemy talk,
And silence atheist babble.

After finally tucking the kids into bed, i step outside on the deck...
I look up at Your macro-skies, dark and enormous - larger than any issue in my day -
Your handmade sky-jewelry - more beautiful than those trendy earrings in the store -
Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
Why do You bother with us - i've failed You so many times today -
Why take a second look our way? - thank You for Your grace and mercy -

Yet we've so narrowly missed being gods - i feel sorta wide right now -
Bright with Eden's dawn light - dawn comes so early when a child wakes you up every hour -
You put us in charge of Your handcrafted world,
Repeated to us Your Genesis-charge - thanks for holding back the rain so i could fertilize the yard -
Made us lords of sheep and cattle - we'll practice on our 2 kitties we hope to get soon
Even animals out in the wild,
Birds flying and fish swimming,
Whales singing in the ocean deeps - we can sing while playing in our whale kiddie pool -

God, brilliant Lord,
Your Name echoes around the world - let It echo in our home, too!

Throughout this whirlwind we call life, thoughts fly by me, sometimes bumping into my brain as if to say, “Hey, blog this!” And then the whirlwind picks up again and away the thoughts blow. If my brain had been getting more sleep, it might have been able to keep up with the thoughts and catch them. Today, it had a lot of iced tea to accommodate said lack, so …

5 Reminders to Self

1. Looking at my bed still unmade at 2:00 in the afternoon, should not illicit a sigh of frustration or feelings of lack of accomplishment of yet one more thing that I didn’t get done this morning.. . but rather, it should illicit a sigh of happiness and contentment that I was blessed to be able to spend one more morning of care and play with my children. I’ll have plenty of time to make my bed, to fluff the pillows and straighten the comforter when the kids are grown and no longer want me to play cars with them or need me to help them use the potty.

“… children are God’s best gift … how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children!” Psalm 127:3-5

Which brings me to #2. (no pun intended)

2. Potty training might bring untimely interruptions to life (why is it ALWAYS when my lunch is inches away from my mouth that my daughter needs help to use the bathroom) … but potty training – and learning other life skills – is a must. Any waves of exhaustion during these training days are ridden out on a board of thankfulness to my own mother for taking time from her agenda when I was little to help me learn life skills, to take me through obedience drills, to build character… Thanks, Mom!


(Thanks, Mom, for all the great birthday cakes! Remember this one - 3rd birthday! Thanks, Aunt Donna for celebrating with us!)
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
(I wonder if “go” in the Greek includes the “go” of potty training. I’ll take it.)


3. Potty training apparently also brings a change of character in the life of the trainee. This morning while my trainee was intently absorbed in an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I quietly slipped out of the room in hopes of having just ONE minute of private bathroom time. Some sort of invisible alarm went off inside the trainee – who usually has to be pried away from the TV with a proverbial crowbar – and within seconds she appeared at my bathroom door and came over to “help” me use the bathroom by holding my hand and telling me “Good Job. Can I see it? Is it yellow?” Which, of course, are all techniques I’ve used to help HER use the bathroom. So I had to be polite and thank her (and then send her on some made-up errand in the house).

“… your right hand has held me up.” Psalm 18:35

4. Having a baby around the house who is just 3 months old means that not too long ago, my husband and I were in the midst of Baby Name Negotiations. I was reminded again today while observing my 3-year old daughter that choosing a child’s name is very critical, serious business. Tessa’s name means “Servant,” and servant she is. Sometimes at naptime, she is allowed to take her cup of water to bed and place it in her bookshelved headboard. Today’s chosen cup is a polar bear that Meme & Papa bought her last summer at the zoo. It’s very cute but also very prone to spills, as is what happened today. However, this little servant-in-training insisted upon cleaning it up herself. What a blessing.

“A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches…” Proverbs 22:1

5. There are doors on a closet for a reason. Sometimes it’s good to close them (same reason to skip making the bed). Today, mine got left open and bared quite an organized mess. Piles of clothes on the floor and empty hangers on the rack. Makes perfect sense in a world where Maternity Clothes are too comfortable but no longer appropriate and Regular Clothes used to be comfortable and are appropriate but only fit the hangers now. This weekend all Maternity Clothes were banished – some returned to their rightful owner, others given away to a new owner – and the Regular Clothes begin their journey from the floor back to the hangers. Hopefully they’ll stretch as much as I have.

“To appoint unto them … the garment of praise…” Isaiah 61:3

So it's been a loooong time since i've blogged - it's not like i haven't thought about it or started writing something, but because of this blessing....

... i have been running low on brain power, -- well, low on all energy that goes towards anything other than feeding my kids, feeding myself, getting my kids to sleep, getting myself to sleep, changing their diapers, ....

But thanks to this blessing....

... i have a spark of energy -- and am not bothered by the fact that my toddler isn't napping but is instead tearing up her room! At least i get to eat these delicious candies in peace and quiet!!! (notice the low ratio of chocolate eggs to jelly beans - thank you, Cadbury!)

As if i could have forgotten what valuable lessons this season of life that i've reentered -- "Hello New Baby, Good-bye Sleep" can teach, now it's packed with a double whammy thanks to the whirlwind seasonal occurances of my toddler, aka, "Miss Independent."

God has taught me several lessons during the course of the last several days, but as my brain seems to have disappeared along with my waistline and as the fact that these chocolate eggs are wearing off fast, i'll just recount one "episode" during which i had a meeting with God.

The other morning, the kids and i finished our shopping at SuperTarget and headed out to the car --- Daniel sleeping blissfully in his carseat in the seat of the cart and Tessa (Miss Independent) sitting in the little kiddie seats in the front of the cart. As soon as we got to our car, which was parked next to a empty cart return, Tessa took off to walk through the cart return, to crawl under it, to run away from me to walk and crawl through the cart return on the other side of our parking space.

She responded to my calls to return to me just about as well as a husband responding to his wife's suggestion to stop and ask for directions --- a laugh and a continuation on the same dangerous course. Glancing from my 3-week old infant boy to my 3-year old defiant girl to the mom in the minivan next to me who had her sweet, obedient kids already tucked into their government-approved carseats, i decided i had to momentarily leave the cart and go after Miss Independent.

It only took a matter of seconds before i had her back safely beside our car, but those seconds ticked by in beats of fear, alternating with anger and disappointment that she would do something so dangerous and so disobedient! I thought we had already covered this topic of running away!

What God must think when i do something He's already showed me is dangerous and against His perfect will for me!

Needless to say, once we got home, the discipline came. For her. And, yes, for me, it always does when i speak to my kids -- i hear God saying the same thing to me!

But really, my moment with God that day came when hours later at the dinner table, Tessa and i were finishing our dinner alone, as Dustin was at church and Daniel asleep. I had finished my meal (Pastor Susan's yummy lasagna, which i had frozen pieces of for such a time as this) and Tessa had refused hers. Did i mention she has an independent streak?

The disappointments and struggles of the day broke away as i pulled up on my laptop a YouTube video of "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord," and Tessa began to sing the words along with me. We even made up our own actions, lifting our hands to praise Jesus ...

The presence of God was there at that table in the hearts of two of His daughters who aren't perfect but who are made perfect in Him.

I might not be running and crawling through the cart returns at SuperTarget, but there are times i try to run and do things on my own -- instead of running to Him.

Yet He is so faithful to show up and to shower down His love.

Simply amazing how a dining room table can be the setting of more than just a nourishing meal. If your toddler won't eat anyway, might as well serve them something that will sustain them better than anything SuperTarget has to offer!